Your Why is Not Just Your Work
Lately, I’ve been talking a lot about knowing your why—your purpose. Not just in one area of life, but in all areas of life. Because as my teacher and mentor Viktor Frankl said:
“He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.”
But here’s the problem.
Too many men think their why is their work. Their business. Their career. Their empire.
And while your professional why matters, it’s only one piece of a much bigger picture.
The Empire That Crumbles at Home
A man walks into my office.
I do a lot of men coaching—or as I sometimes call it, meaning coaching—helping people in general, and men in particular, dig into their lives to discover, articulate, and live their why.
This guy? A powerhouse.
He’s built an empire. Runs a multi-million-dollar company. Measures his worth by the size of his business, his bank account, his portfolio. (Men are obsessed with the size of their empire.)
Just ask him—he’ll tell you. He’ll also tell you he’s the smartest guy he knows.
And when it comes to finance and numbers? He probably is. That’s why he has the corner office in the C-suite.
But as Socrates reminds us:
“Being highly skilled in one area does not mean you possess wisdom in all.”
Mastery in one domain does not make you a master in others. In fact, it can blind you.
Because while this man has everyone answering to him at work, while everything in his professional life runs like a well-oiled machine, the moment he pulls into his garage and steps into his kitchen…
He plummets.
From master to mediocre.
From being in charge to, at best, a second-class citizen. At worst? An unwanted outsider.
He feels estranged from his kids. Distant from his wife.
The Why That’s Missing
But B, he tells me, I’ve spent my lifeblood building this empire. Achieving mastery—all for them. So they never have to want. So they have everything they need. The vacations, the private schools, the cars, the homes—whatever they want, they’ve got it.
And all the while, he believes his own bullshit.
He’s told himself the story for so long, he thinks it’s true.
But what his family really needs isn’t more professional mastery.
They don’t need more money.
They need him.
They need him to master the other arenas of his life.
They need him to master being a father. A husband. A man with a deeper why.
So I ask him:
“Joe”—changing his name to protect the innocent—”What’s your personal why?”
No hesitation when it comes to his company. He’s read Simon Sinek. He knows the drill. He can articulate his company’s why like a well-rehearsed investor pitch.
Boom, boom, boom.
Then I ask again:
“But Joe, what’s your personal why?”
And the man who has mastered his industry sits there, blank.
No more mastery.
Because no one’s ever asked him that question before.
Because he’s never asked himself.
Because he simply does not know his why.
Your Why is Bigger Than Your Career
Every man needs a why.
Yes, literally—to recite every day, to ground yourself, to keep you anchored when life gets messy.
But also figuratively—as the internal compass that moves you toward holistic mastery.
Most men have only been taught to master one domain: Professional Success.
But true mastery requires four domains:
The Four Domains of True Mastery
- Professional Mastery – Your work, your career, your ability to provide.
- Personal Mastery – Your own well-being: body, mind, and spirit.
- Family Mastery – Your relationships: spouse, children, loved ones.
- Community Mastery – Your impact beyond yourself: legacy, service, purpose.
These are the four buckets we focus on in Man Uprising peer groups.
And when men check in at our meetings?
Their seven-minute update is always in descending order of mastery:
- First, professional—where they thrive.
- Then, personal—where they struggle.
- Then, family—where they feel lost.
- And finally, community—where there’s often nothing at all.
It’s not just a descending order of mastery.
It’s an ascending order of neglect.
A Why That Covers Every Domain
Men in midlife are being called to rise up—to become the king, the patriarch, the source of certainty and security for all four domains.
- Professional – Yes, but not at the expense of the others.
- Personal – Yes, because if you’re not taking care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
- Family – Absolutely, because your wife and kids don’t need a paycheck. They need a present man.
- Community – The most neglected bucket of all. But as Viktor Frankl calls it, self-transcendence—the need to contribute to something bigger than yourself.
Why Do You Get Up in the Morning?
Men, we are not here to just master one domain while letting the others collapse.
We are not here to just make money. Money is a means, not an end.
We are not here to just succeed in business while failing at home.
We are here to master ourselves.
To build holistic success.
To ensure that, at the end of our lives, we don’t just leave behind a bank account—but a legacy.
What’s Your Why?
Because if you don’t know it, you’ll never be the man you were meant to be. Simon Sinek was right. It all starts with why.