“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness.”
-Dr. Viktor Frankl
Having guided thousands of people through nearly every twist, turn, and tragedy life offers, here’s what I know to be true. Whether we rise or fall, succeed or fail, live a life of meaning, or waste our time here and do a lot of damage in the process comes down to one question:
Are you response-able?
No, that’s not a typo. And trust me, auto-correct reminds me daily that it’s not a real word. However, since jawn, gloatware, GOAT, and amalgagender were added to the dictionary in 2023, I think it certainly deserves consideration.
Seriously, if this word ain’t a part of your daily vocabulary – it should be.
So what is response-ability?
Let’s first talk about what it’s not, and for that, we’ll turn to Dr. Viktor Frankl, the man who coined this term.
“Between stimulus and response,” wrote Frankl, “there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response.”
The problem, as Dr. Frankl was well aware in his roles as both a psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, is that the “stimuli” of life, everything from a 1000 trivial stimuli we have to deal with during our days to that terrifying stimulus package that kicks us in our ass now and again, makes it hard to find that space.
Stimulus happens, and when it does, we can’t breathe. We can’t think. We can’t shake the fear.
We become victims of our circumstances – whatever they are or whoever it is, “causing” us to react, not respond.
This is when Frankl challenges us to check in, check ourselves, and challenge our circumstances. Can we get back to consciousness? Can we take back our space? Can we stop reacting and choose our response?
Can we respond to our circumstances, however difficult, painful, or tragic they might be?
Response-ability is being cut off in traffic and not flipping the perpetrator the middle finger Tweet (oops, guilty, I admit).
Response-ability is being exhausted at the end of the day and not yelling at your kids to stop yelling (guilty again).
Response-ability is going through an ugly divorce and not throwing away the good memories or shutting your heart to love and loving someone else again.
Response-ability is suffering the death of a loved one and then doubling down, living more fully and loving more fiercely, not in spite of your loss – because of it.
Response-ability is facing whatever life presents to you and making a choice – the only choice ever fully yours – to forfeit your choice and react, or to take back your power and choose your response?
No, it doesn’t mean you’ll do it perfectly – none of us can.
No, it doesn’t mean you won’t stumble, falter and fail – you will.
No, it doesn’t mean you won’t react – you are human, and reaction is a natural defense.
What it means is that once you’ve come off of autopilot, as soon as you wake up to the moment and as quickly as you are able, you’ll pick yourself up, dust yourself off, take back your power, and choose to respond, again and again, and again.
So, I’ll end as I began with a single question: are you response-able?
Because “in that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness.”
If you want to grow and be happy, then choose your response and be free!
Dr. Baruch “B” HaLevi
Dr. Baruch HaLevi is the founder of The Defiant Spirit: counseling, coaching, and consulting. He is a logotherapist (meaning-centered psychotherapist), meaning-coach, and Enneagram teacher. He is also co-founder of the Viktor Frankl Meaning Academy. You can learn more about him at www.DefiantSpirit.org
