I swore I’d never watch The Golden Bachelorette. For years, I’d made The Bachelor franchise my favorite punchline, poking fun at my wife’s devotion to it. To me, it seemed like a carnival of superficial drama, manufactured tears, and fake roses. While she watched, I’d roll my eyes and retreat to another room, convinced I was too evolved for reality TV.
But then a friend challenged me: “You’ve got to watch The Golden Bachelorette. It’s different.” I resisted at first, brushing it off as nonsense. Yet curiosity got the better of me, and I caved. Except, I wasn’t ready to admit it. I started watching in secret. Like a teenager hiding a guilty pleasure, I’d turn it on when my wife wasn’t home and quickly switch it off if I heard her walk in. I was hiding The Golden Bachelorette like it was something far more scandalous.
Why the secrecy? Maybe it was because I didn’t want to admit I’d judged her so harshly. Maybe it was because I didn’t want her to know I’d been wrong. Or maybe it was because I wasn’t ready to face what the show might reveal about me.
The truth is, I don’t think I was wrong about The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. But The Golden Bachelorette? That’s a different story entirely.
What Makes The Golden Bachelorette Different
Unlike its younger counterparts, The Golden Bachelorette isn’t about Instagram fame or petty rivalries. It’s about men in their 50s and 60s who’ve lived full lives—men who have experienced heartbreak, loss, and the kind of hard-earned wisdom that only comes with age. These men aren’t competing to win; they’re seeking connection, intimacy, and belonging.
As I watched these older men navigate their relationships, something unexpected happened. I began to see reflections of myself—my struggles with vulnerability, my desire for connection, and my ongoing quest to redefine what it means to be strong.
Watching these men open their hearts wasn’t just compelling. It was transformative. It reminded me of the very transformations I’ve witnessed in the men I coach through Man UPrising.
From Armor to Open Hearts
One of the greatest joys of my life has been watching strong, successful men step into a Man UPrising group. These men arrive guarded, carrying the scars of countless battles fought in careers, families, and friendships. They bring the same shields that have protected them in boardrooms but also left them isolated, burdened, and unseen.
But something remarkable happens in those groups. Over time, I watch their armor crack and their walls lower. By the end, these same men leave transformed—open-hearted, compassionate, and deeply connected to themselves and others.
I know this journey intimately because I’ve lived it.
The Cost of Armor
I’m an Enneagram 8, known as “The Challenger.” My life has been defined by relentless drive, an iron will, and a deep-seated belief that toughness equals strength. That energy has propelled me through professional successes and personal challenges. But my “armor”—the anger, the need to control, the refusal to show weakness—came at a cost.
My wife, lovingly (and sometimes not-so-lovingly), calls me the “8-hole.” Anger has always been my first reaction—a fire I’ve worn like a badge of honor. For years, I believed that wall of anger and toughness was proof of my strength. But I’ve come to realize that the same wall that kept me safe also kept me stuck.
With my wife, I became unreachable. She’d tell me she couldn’t find me beneath the layers of my walls. With my kids, I jumped to fix their problems rather than listen to their hearts. With friends, I used humor to deflect vulnerability, sidestepping real conversations in favor of easy laughs.
The truth is, my so-called “strength” was rooted in fear—fear of being exposed, of not being enough, of being seen as weak.
The Power of Vulnerability
It wasn’t until I stepped into my Man UPrising journey that I began to understand what true strength looks like.
In these groups, there’s no room for bravado. Advice-giving, a classic move to avoid discomfort, isn’t allowed. Humor, another common deflection, is gently called out. A subtle tap on the heart reminds the group: “You’re safe here. Let yourself be real.”
I’ve seen men—tough, battle-worn men—break open in these spaces. I’ve watched them cry, not out of weakness but out of courage. I’ve witnessed them sit with their fears and insecurities without trying to fix or fight their way out. And when they do, something profound happens. They receive what so many of us long for: unconditional acceptance.
Through these men, I’ve learned to take off my own cape and step into the circle as just me—flawed, imperfect, human.
Lessons from The Golden Bachelorette
And this brings me back to The Golden Bachelorette. Watching older men redefine masculinity on national television struck a chord. These weren’t the posturing, performative men we often see in media. They were tender, open, and willing to fight for connection in ways that had nothing to do with competition.
What I saw mirrored the transformations I’ve witnessed in Man UPrising. These men weren’t focused on “winning.” They were focused on love, intimacy, and being truly seen. For once, the masks were off, and it was beautiful.
It reminded me of a truth I’ve come to embrace: true strength doesn’t lie in the armor we wear or the shields we hold. True strength is in taking them off.
Living with an Open Heart
Today, I’m working every day to lead with an open heart. It’s not easy for someone like me, who spent decades relying on toughness to get by. But I’ve learned that vulnerability is the real badge of honor. It’s not just about tearing down walls—it’s about having the courage to keep them down and let others in.
The Challenge to All Men
To every man who feels stuck behind his own armor, I offer this challenge: let it go. Let yourself be seen, not as invincible but as real. Trust others with your heart. Take the risk to show up without answers, without fixes, without a plan—just as you are.
Because when we dare to be vulnerable, we don’t just become better men. We become the men we were always meant to be.
And in doing so, we don’t just transform ourselves—we change the world around us, one open heart at a time.
For more, check out: www.manuprising.org
